Hi. My name is Dave, and I'm a boss. It's a title that is rather new to me...and it's a mantle that fits on my shoulders about as comfortably as a shoulder ride for Robert Hufford. Robert Hufford is fat in case you didn't know. And he smells bad.
Over the weekend, I saw an opportunity to expand our vast workforce of 3 sales reps to an even 4. He was a nice kid of 23 years and he was looking for a job. I told him he could start Monday.
Today was Monday, his first day and also his last day. After showing up to work with thug-like shorts and black socks pulled up to mid calf, he thought that wearing his cool sunglasses would be a good idea while trying talk to people about Pest Control at their doors. "Fine", I thought..."honest mistakes. The kinks will smooth themselves out." We headed out of the car and to the first door. A "snap" sound caught my attention and I looked back at him just in time to see him hit his chew box one more time to pack it well. He opened the box, pulled out a pinch of chew and stuffed it under his lip and said, "ok, I'm ready now."
I must say that as his boss, I was thoroughly impressed. I mean, on your first day of work, if you are looking to impress the person who hired you, be sure to bring your chewing tobacco and be ABSOLUTELY SURE that you pack it put it under you lip right in front of him. If you want to know the biggest sales secret known to man, there it is, try to talk to people and make a good impression on potential clients with some snuff making your lip fat.
Now I have to be a real boss and fire poor kid tomorrow. I guess now I know how Donald Trump feels all the time on his show. Dang! That's rough Don. All I know is that I want Robert Hufford off of my shoulders as soon as possible. Robert is fat, just in case you didn't know. And he's a liar.
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3 comments:
David, Don't forget that David Read also beat Hufford up in high school. So not only is he fat and a gross, but he is also a disgrace. Good job, Boss.
Dave you idiot, there goes your free gameboy. Don't insult the man who's father works for Nintendo.
Wow you are really sucking up the dregs of the California work force. Way to go! At least he didn't offer you any chew - now that would have been tacky.
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